I made a mistake….a big mistake….
And this may not seem like a great way to start the year, but … stay with me.
In December, I pushed myself to get to the 20th. This was going to be my last day of delivery after which I had planned lots of time with the family, lots of walks in the woods and on the beach and lots of time to start a new hobby - painting - and to do the work I really wanted to do to prepare for 2025, particularly for my new membership.
I pushed and pushed to get to the 20th, with that wonderful thought of time to spare.
What happened?
No, I didn’t get sick…
I had no time to get sick…
But my mum did…
On the 17th December mum’s heart rate jumped to 140 bpm and her blood pressure was ludicrously high. WE called an ambulance and I went with her to the hospital.
We were 7th in the queue and were in the corridor when one of the ambulance men saw that her skin was yellow - we were bumped to the head of the queue and were seen within the hour by nurses who took bloods and connected her to an ECG machine.
It was all a bit of a mystery and over the next few days they diagnosed her with heart failure and a possible UTI (urinary tract infection - although no real evidence found).
By the 20th mum had deteriorated mentally significantly. She has vascular dementia and alzheimer's and now due to the different environment, was suffering with delirium.
Delirium is scary for the person suffering and for those around her. We couldn’t understand her. She didn’t know where she was. She tried to get out. She shouted that she had been kidnapped.
We all decided that she was better at home with help from the hospital at home team.
I was spending all night with her.
Thankfully one of my sisters abandoned her Christmas plans and came to give me some sleep and then my other sister came down to help too for a couple of days.
My husband Simon took turns also.
We found carers to help at night.
And now we’re here at the beginning of January.
Her delirium has settled but the dementia has worsened.
And all my plans?
I did none of it.
At first I was angry, then desperately sad and now??
Well now, I’m determined to find a way that works for all of us AND
Not leave things to “when I have time” or “when I have a break”
I’m determined to use my time better and make time for rest, and make time for the things that inspire me and fuel me. Yes, paying the mortgage is necessary AND I can do that and still find the time.
So, one thing I did manage to do during Christmas was clear out my office - about 6 huge black bin bags left and I now have space to breathe.
Then I created a space for my new hobby - painting!! And I painted my first ever painting, an abstract in acrylics and I loved it!
And I created a space in the corner for journaling and signed up to Gabby Bernstein's 21 day manifesting challenge and have done 6 days so far with all the meditations.
And I signed up for the Body Coach app and did my first workout in his new year bootcamp - next one on Wednesday!
So, although the mistake has been painful, I have learned and I have implemented and I will give myself grace to not be perfect and not complete everything and still move on and continue to give myself the space and time I need to be well and enjoy life.
I’ve also let go of a lot of things I didn’t need or want anymore and that’s made space for something new - the painting.
Lessons?
Making a big mistake is ok as long as you learn
Getting rid of things makes space for new
Wishing time to pass to have more time later is ridiculous 🤦🏻♀️
Spending time on me and what fuels me is an investment
The mortgage will get paid
I function better and get more done with accountability, support and structure
Any lessons you want to share?
Oh and Happy New Year!
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✨ About Sonia Gavira ✨
Sonia Gavira MBA, PCC is a leadership and executive coach, consultant and Certified Practitioner in Brain and Behaviour Change and Master Practitioner in NLP. Coming from a strong commercial background in marketing to Marketing Director level. Sonia has spent more than 20 years working with Executives, Directors and Managers in organisations helping them lead themselves, their teams and their organisations successfully.
Today Sonia’s interest lies in helping leaders embrace a new style of leadership that allows people to be
themselves and embrace compassion, care and kindness as well as strength, power and decisiveness - polarities that too often drive leaders one way or the other. This has lead her to be involved in a number of programmes helping women ask for and progress to senior roles within organisations, and do so in a way that balances all aspects of their life. Sonia is also an expert in motivation, enabling individuals, teams and organisations to tap into what will drive them to peak performance.
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