Why you should stop putting off difficult conversations at work
Let’s face it: difficult conversations are like dentist appointments.
No one looks forward to them, but avoiding them leads to long-term problems. The issue festers, tensions rise, and before you know it, productivity dips and team morale takes a hit. For leaders and managers aiming for high-performance teams, avoiding difficult conversations isn't just uncomfortable, it's damaging.
In this blog post, we’ll dive into why these conversations are essential, how they can improve your leadership, and give you practical tips on how to prepare and execute them effectively. By the end, you'll not only feel more confident about tackling tough talks but will also see how they can unlock greater potential in your team.
1. Why Difficult Conversations Are Critical to Success
Imagine driving a car with the "check engine" light on, thinking, "I’ll deal with that later." Well, just like ignoring that light could lead to an engine breakdown, ignoring unresolved issues with your team can lead to a breakdown in performance. Difficult conversations serve as a diagnostic tool, they uncover what's wrong and create opportunities to address it.
The bottom line: When issues aren’t addressed, they fester, creating disengaged employees, eroding trust, and affecting the bottom line. A study by VitalSmarts found that employees who regularly avoid difficult conversations waste $1,500 and an eight-hour workday for every crucial conversation they avoid. As a leader, you simply can’t afford to let this slide.
Tip: Begin seeing these conversations as opportunities for growth, both for you and your team, rather than just obstacles.
2. The Cost of Avoiding Tough Talks
You might think, "If I just wait, maybe the problem will resolve itself." But the truth is, avoidance has a hefty price tag. It leads to passive-aggressive behaviors, misunderstandings, and decreased team effectiveness. Eventually, the problem snowballs, and what could’ve been a small discussion becomes a full-blown conflict.
Leaders who shy away from confrontation end up sacrificing long-term results for short-term comfort. You don’t want to be that leader. As Simon Sinek puts it, “Leadership is not about being in charge. It's about taking care of those in your charge.” That means tackling the hard stuff head-on, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Tip: Take the initiative to address issues early. Schedule time to discuss matters before they escalate and start causing wider friction in the team.
3. How to Prepare for a Difficult Conversation
Preparation is half the battle. Walking into a challenging conversation unprepared is like trying to swim in deep waters without knowing how to float. Start by getting clear on your objective: What exactly do you want to achieve from the discussion?
Next, gather the facts. Separate emotions from evidence and think about what behaviors or performance issues you’ve observed. One tactic that works wonders is writing down your key points beforehand. This gives you clarity and prevents you from getting sidetracked.
Pro Tip: Empathy is crucial. As you prepare, consider the other person's perspective. What are they going through? What are their potential fears or concerns? This will help you approach the conversation with a balanced mindset.
Tip: Practice what you’re going to say with a trusted colleague or mentor beforehand. This will help you refine your delivery and boost your confidence.
4. How to Set the Right Tone
The first few minutes of a conversation set the tone for the entire discussion. If you come in guns blazing, defensive walls will go up. Instead, aim to create an atmosphere of trust and openness. Start by framing the conversation positively—focus on the issue, not the person.
For example, instead of saying, "You’re always missing deadlines," try, "I’ve noticed the deadlines have been missed lately. Let’s talk about what’s going on and how we can fix it." This way, it’s not a personal attack but a problem-solving session.
Tip: Use "I" statements to express how you feel or the impact of the issue, rather than accusing the other person. This reduces defensiveness and promotes understanding.
5. Listen as Much as You Speak
Effective conversations are two-way streets. It’s not just about what you say but also about how well you listen. When you open up the floor for the other person to share their perspective, you create a space for dialogue rather than a monologue.
Active listening involves more than just hearing words—it’s about paying attention to tone, body language, and emotions. This can uncover underlying issues that might not be immediately obvious. According to psychologist Dr. Albert Mehrabian, 93% of communication is non-verbal, so what you see and hear beyond the words is just as crucial.
Tip: After you speak, pause and give the other person time to respond. Resist the urge to fill the silence, sometimes it’s the space in the conversation that reveals the most.
6. Focus on Solutions, Not Blame
It’s easy to get caught up in blaming or finger-pointing, but that rarely leads to resolution. Once the issue has been identified, shift the conversation towards finding a solution. Ask open-ended questions like, “What do you think would help in this situation?” or “How can we prevent this from happening again?”
This collaborative approach encourages ownership and accountability, rather than leaving the other person feeling defeated or blamed. Solutions-focused conversations are empowering and forward-looking—exactly the kind of mindset you want in a high-performing team.
Tip: End the conversation by clearly defining next steps, and follow up afterward to check on progress. Accountability keeps everyone moving forward.
7. Follow Up and Reinforce Positive Changes
A one-off conversation is rarely enough. To see lasting improvements, leaders need to follow up. Check in after the discussion to see how things are progressing, and more importantly, acknowledge any positive changes you’ve noticed. This reinforcement encourages continued effort and improvement.
In fact, research from the American Psychological Association shows that employees who feel recognized are 2.7 times more likely to be highly engaged at work. It’s simple: when people feel valued and acknowledged, they’re more likely to keep up the good work.
Tip: Make it a habit to follow up on difficult conversations regularly, not just when problems arise. This shows your team you’re invested in their growth and development.
In Conclusion: Growth Comes from the Tough Conversations
Leadership isn’t about avoiding discomfort. It’s about stepping into it and growing from it. As a leader, the willingness to have difficult conversations reflects your commitment to your team’s success and your own growth. Tackling these tough talks head-on can be transformative, leading to stronger relationships, better performance, and a healthier workplace culture.
Remember, each conversation is a stepping stone toward a stronger, more united team. Don’t shy away from it—embrace it. After all, as Brené Brown wisely said, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
So, the next time you’re tempted to put off that tough talk, remember: you owe it to yourself, your team, and your vision to face it head-on. Growth, both for you and your team, is just on the other side of that conversation.
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✨ About Sonia Gavira ✨
Sonia Gavira MBA, PCC is a leadership and executive coach, consultant and Certified Practitioner in Brain and Behaviour Change and Master Practitioner in NLP. Coming from a strong commercial background in marketing to Marketing Director level. Sonia has spent more than 20 years working with Executives, Directors and Managers in organisations helping them lead themselves, their teams and their organisations successfully.
Today Sonia’s interest lies in helping leaders embrace a new style of leadership that allows people to be themselves and embrace compassion, care and kindness as well as strength, power and decisiveness - polarities that too often drive leaders one way or the other. This has lead her to be involved in a number of programmes helping women ask for and progress to senior roles within organisations, and do so in a way that balances all aspects of their life.Sonia is also an expert in motivation, enabling individuals, teams and organisations to tap into what will drive them to peak performance.
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